I have not watched the FoxNews/Republican National Committee (RNC) Republican primary debates. FoxNews lost me when they called the deeply corrupted Arizona election in 2020 far too early and set off the chain of events that followed. And they seemed all too comfortable with their place in that chain of events. We would still watch all three of Tucker Carlson’s informative programs until they canned him at the height of his success. So we canned Fox entirely. And we canned the Republican National Committee (RNC), as well, due to its obvious disdain for Trump and the Republican base and its dereliction of duty in failing to challenge the criminally corrupt elections in 2020 and 2022. Nevertheless, I caught a snatch of Glenn Beck on the radio after the first debate and heard him say that Nicki Haley kept reminding people that she is a woman. That gave me an idea of how a candidate, be it Vivek Ramaswamy or Ron DeSantis or any of the fellows up there, could win not only the RINO vote but the Democratic vote, as well.
After Haley had once again called attention to the fact that she is a woman, one of the candidates, call him Sam, could say the following:
I think Ambassador Haley has made an excellent point in her favor, that none of us other candidates can make. And that is that she is a woman. And I understand that by saying so she has conveyed that she would bring qualities to the presidency that none of the rest of us could bring. I agree with that. I believe all the rest of us here are married men, and I am sure that all of us know full well why men refer to their wives as their better halves. A woman would bring qualities to the office that none of us could bring.
So, in a bid to appeal to any old John McCain RINO Republicans and to Democrats too, I am going to “reach across the aisle” and play the “maverick” and offer to the Democrats a point in my favor that should garner me the Democratic vote.
I am a woman. I’m a woman. I identify as a woman. So, you Democrats should vote for me. You know full well that preferred identity trumps, oh, sorry, . . . I mean, . . . uh, . . . eclipses positions and policies. And you know how fluid gender is, unlike us troglodytes on the right who just don’t get that. So, I am a woman. Vote for me and you can make me the first woman president.
That gave me an idea of how a candidate, be it Vivek Ramaswamy or Ron DeSantis or any of the fellows up there, could win not only the RINO vote but the Democratic vote, as well.
Think of the advantages. Sam could out-swim, out-run, out-lift all the other women world leaders and even dress and shower with them to really cement a bond that would be invaluable in international relations. And on that point, since Democrat men would support Sam dressing and showering with their mothers, wives, and daughters, they should have no problem trusting him, I mean her, I mean, . . . whatever, . . . with the nuclear football. Right? Come on, Republicans, you have to think like Democrats to reach across the aisle and get their votes.
Sam would appeal to everyone. True Republicans believe in reality, so they would know Sam to be who he is: a true Republican male who believes in limited government to protect God-given inalienable rights. Democrats would have to believe that Sam was running to become the first woman president, because Democrats believe that one is whatever he identifies to be, and that what you call someone is really what matters. For instance, some months ago I had a Democrat woman explain to me that the terms baby and fetus are medical terms and that they are completely separate things. She knows this because her sister is a doctor. When I tried to explain that baby was a term used for any very young child even for one in utero, and that fetus, like embryo and zygote, is a term for a stage of development for a baby, she remained steadfast in her original argument. Thus, she knew that a fetus is not a baby until it emerges from the birth canal and is no longer a fetus. Therefore you can brutally destroy a fetus and it is not killing a baby. See, for Democrats it’s about identity. And that makes sense because when they do not abort a fetus, they identify it as a baby, and then act accordingly. Huh. Yeah, I said it is confusing. Just think like a Democrat, be progressive, forget reality.
And if you really want to see an example of the convolutions into which the deluded self-deified progressive can twist himself to contradict reality, I recommend this Triggernometry video of Neil deGrasse Tyson explaining “his views of gender on a spectrum.” Whoa.
And on that point, since Democrat men would support Sam dressing and showering with their mothers, wives, and daughters, they should have no problem trusting him, I mean her, I mean, . . . whatever, . . . with the nuclear football. Right?
But back to the election. Then, after Sam is elected president and his term is up, if the first transgender male, . . . or is it female? How does that work: is it a transgender male or female if a guy calls himself a woman? Anyways, you Dems know. We knuckle draggers on the right just have to leave that stuff to you. But, back to my point, if the first guy who says he’s a woman doesn’t work out for you as president, you Dems, with the help of the RINOs (another nod to Arizona), could rig another election and install another one of your stellar candidates: some corrupt, impaired oldster who campaigns from his basement and cannot garner more than a dozen attendees at his events (when he does emerge into the light of day) and still manages to get a record 81 million votes. Imagine that. Oh, you don’t have to imagine it; it’s been done. Just bring back the old 2000 mules, and the 95% voting from nursing homes, and the thousands of voters living in parks and abandoned buildings, and the illegal drop boxes, and the 3 AM vote drops that go 90% to your candidate, and the online voting machines, and the flash drives, and the destruction of ballots that are supposed to be secured, and the cases of ballots pulled out from under tables after a phony plumbing leak, and the voter rolls with twice the number of registered voters than are eligible in the state, and the illegal expansion of “indefinitely confined” status with its exemption from the voter ID law, and the flipping of vote totals, and the ejection of Republicans from vote-counting centers, and the ballots that do not fit the voting machines in Republican precincts and on and on and on. . . . You know, the old tried and true Democrat voting principles. You gotta love that. And then, if you still feel that Sam is a threat, after his term and your rigged election, you can impeach him (hey, I know he’ll be out of office, but there is now precedent thanks to you Dems), and investigate him, and indict him, . . . like over and over, in as many backward jurisdictions that will not laugh you right out of court. See, you Democrats have a lot of options available to you that Republicans do not.
Now, now, some of you might just say, well why shouldn’t we just vote for Nicki Haley? Come on. You know why. Because she’s a woman. I mean a real woman. I mean . . ., uh, . . . . It does get a little confusing, doesn’t it? (Think like a Democrat, think like a Democrat.) What good is a real woman when you can have a man who identifies as a woman. Huh. There’s a first for you in the White House. Glass ceiling breaker and all that.
I know identifying as a woman ought to secure the vote of all you Democrats. But, it just occurred to me. I can do better. I can identify as a Democrat.
But hey, getting down to reality, we know that Sam is not going to win the Republican nomination even with full Democrat support. So, when Donald Trump wraps up this nomination from whatever dungeon the Democrats manage to throw him into–despite the fact that they have wasted millions and millions of taxpayer dollars to try to convict him of any crime they could concoct but instead have proven that he may well be the cleanest president since Abraham Lincoln–Sam will make a great vice-presidential candidate on Trump’s ticket to gain Democrat votes. Besides identifying as a woman, Sam could really convince Democrats that he would make a great vice president by giving a speech like this:
You know I did attend kindergarten some years ago and was part of that community, in the community, and of the community, with the community all around. And I rode on yellow school buses. Right? You know, yellow school buses. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yellow school buses.
And I think the climate changes. It has changed in the past and it changes now. I mean like it gets hot and cold and it rains and it has droughts, you know? And there are hurricanes and fires and tornadoes now, you know? So climate changes, and I believe that. And that is an issue. And I believe in issues because issues are important.
And I like space, you know, because it’s so big and has stars and the moon in it and everything. And with space is time. You know, this is the time, because we are in this time, and the time is now, and it has the past and the future. You know, time. Time. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
And the border is secure, and I can ignore the millions and millions of illegal aliens that the Democrats have trafficked into the country because we have never had a stronger border. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
And when the Democrats throw me in jail for being Donald Trump’s vice president, I could go to a woman’s prison. And the Democrats will have the taxpayers pay for my “reassignment” surgery. (Whoa, whoa, whoa, let’s not get too Democratic here.)
And you know, why stop there with this identification thing. I ought to be able to do enough identifying to really capture the Democratic vote, and at the same time get hired at Harvard Law School in case the election falls through. I mean, I have kinda high cheek bones and my maw maw or paw paw or someone in a painting . . . . (Whoa, better hold up there. There are some areas only Democrats are allowed to tread.)
Ah, but here, I have it. I know identifying as a woman ought to secure the vote of all you Democrats. But, it just occurred to me. I can do better. I can identify as a Democrat. There it is: I identify as a Democrat. That is a no brainer (naturally) for you Democrats. I am a Republican, which will secure me the votes of the GOP, but I identify as a Democrat, which will secure me the Democrat vote. That should be so easy for you Democrats.
And since I identify as a Democrat you should vote for me because I will be immune to the effects of climate change. Democrat politicians are immune to climate change, you know, to the rising seas caused by climate change and all, because Democrat politicians buy mulit-million-dollar homes on Martha’s Vineyard, and the Hawaiian and Florida coasts, that somehow will not be touched by the rising seas of climate change. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
So, given that I have just secured the Democrat vote, this thing is over. You can carry on with this debate, but from now on it is just pro-forma. For true Republicans, it’s about issues and positions and policies, and I am right with all of us Neanderthals on the right, because I believe in reality. So Republicans should vote for me. But I know for you Democrats it is all about identity and narrative, the truth be damned, and since I identify as a Democrat and a woman, you’re with me. I’m a shoe-in. You won’t even need to rig the election. Just vote identity: Republican for Democrat, man for woman. Just think like a Democrat.
Thank you.
P. A. Ritzer
© 2023 P. A. Ritzer
“I Am a Woman:” A Winning Strategy for Republican Debates